This MOM

 I have not written anything in 2 weeks. There is a lot to explain the reason for my absence from the thing I enjoy most, Writing. We are moving out of the room we live in to our very own apartment, school is kicking me around, and the other thing is hard for me to talk about, which is odd. I usually am very open and it is easy for me to express my feelings, especially the tough ones.

Out with it. 

This coming Wednesday The Boss Lady is having surgery, on her teeth. She has to be put to sleep totally to have her mouth worked on, because it's a mess. The part that kills me the most, is this all could of been prevented. They are definitely pulling her top front teeth, all 4 of them. The surgeon has not decided what he will do for the molars, the other teeth, and gums until the actual day of surgery.

Rewind with me. Grace is 15 months old and getting ear infection after ear infection. It took 2 people and battle wounds to get her shoes on. She wasn't speaking. She wasn't even present and when she was she was battling us on getting dressed, transitioning, and BRUSHING HER TEETH. Everyday for everything was a constant battle. I threw in the white flag, I SURRENDER, for teeth brushing. If I could go back I might of worked a little harder and found the strength to hold her down two extra times a day to get her teeth brushed, but I didn't have it, Ernesto didn't have it.

Trying to get her to speak and communicate, was the first thing on my mind. Autism Spectrum Disorder was on my mind. Her future was on my mind. What time each therapist was coming was on my mind. IEP meetings were on my mind. Somehow along the way dental hygiene just took the back burner. How was I able to research Sensory Processing Disorder, buy a $200 weighted blanket, but neglect her teeth?

As a stim behavior she grinds really bad...really bad. The grinding made everything 10 times worse. We are talking to her about the surgery on Wednesday but she is not OK with losing 4 teeth or more and is having a hard time generalizing. For now we have stopped discussing and whatever will be, will be.

I know I am going to love her little toothless smile, and luckily it is her baby teeth. She is so strong and will be fine, I know she will. She has proven that to me thus far on many occasions. But I am so guilty. She is going to have to endure this because of me, because I failed her, again.

Another failure to add to the list. Another thing I could of prevented and gave up on. Another reminder things are not normal. I never thought I would be the Mom who let their kids teeth rot...I wasn't suppose to be this Mom. But, I am this MOM.