Friday, March 15, 2013

Silver Linings Continued

Last Night I posted:

There is always a silver lining to life. With a special needs child comes a lot of hardships and struggles. Struggles that many people can not grasp. Sometimes you will explain things to others and they just can't wrap their head around it.

With that being said there are also upsides. There comes an appreciation for life. You learn to master negotiating. Even though on bad days your heart can ache, but on the good days the smiles are real and the happiness you do feel is pure. You have achieved so much, you're not even aware. With every hard thing that comes your way you find beauty in it.

Grace has sensory processing disorder, which with many super kids, it goes hand in hand. Every night I rock my 47 pound girl tight to my body for almost an hour, standing and swaying back and forth. I make sure I don't skip a beat to ensure her she is secure. I also sing a list of routine songs over and over again. Even when my knees can not do it anymore I some how am able to rock her on through. Every night when she finally drifts off to sleep, my eyes well with tears. My heart beats out my chest. I always hold her a little extra long just to breathe in the moment. I watch her sleep. I feel so lucky that my 5 year old girl still needs me to hold her close to me to feel secure and sleep. I cherish this. I am thankful for this. Silver linings...pieceloveautism

With that being said I realized there are so many more good things that can come out of this journey so I have devised my own list.

SILVER LININGS of  being a Super Mom

1. no drama, there is not time for it. Life is easier this way.
2. Being able to pull positive out of any negative situation
3. Laughing at the small stuff
4. Being able to pull it together on 2 hours of sleep
5. Would be really successful in a hostage negotiating, bc my days are filled with negotiating and sassing
6. I can spit out 27 acronyms in 13 seconds and define them all in 25 seconds
8. inside jokes with spouse NO one will ever understand
9. Even though she is 5, her social level is delayed so I get to keep my baby a little longer <3
10. the people who are in my life on a daily BASIS truly love us and we are so lucky for them
11. full day of pre school
12. when I find time for a mani pedi, I can not even describe HOW amazing I feel after
13. Cherishing every little thing
15. ACCEPTANCE it has come easier since ASD
16. LOVE, I never knew what love was until the BOSS
19. MELT down manager, this has given me the power to be out in public and cool typical adults down in line at the food store

and my favorite one

20. YOU ALL my readers MY SUPPORT you all inspire me. If I didn't have Grace, I wouldn't have you <3

Sunday, March 10, 2013

This MOM

 I have not written anything in 2 weeks. There is a lot to explain the reason for my absence from the thing I enjoy most, Writing. We are moving out of the room we live in to our very own apartment, school is kicking me around, and the other thing is hard for me to talk about, which is odd. I usually am very open and it is easy for me to express my feelings, especially the tough ones.

Out with it. 

This coming Wednesday The Boss Lady is having surgery, on her teeth. She has to be put to sleep totally to have her mouth worked on, because it's a mess. The part that kills me the most, is this all could of been prevented. They are definitely pulling her top front teeth, all 4 of them. The surgeon has not decided what he will do for the molars, the other teeth, and gums until the actual day of surgery.

Rewind with me. Grace is 15 months old and getting ear infection after ear infection. It took 2 people and battle wounds to get her shoes on. She wasn't speaking. She wasn't even present and when she was she was battling us on getting dressed, transitioning, and BRUSHING HER TEETH. Everyday for everything was a constant battle. I threw in the white flag, I SURRENDER, for teeth brushing. If I could go back I might of worked a little harder and found the strength to hold her down two extra times a day to get her teeth brushed, but I didn't have it, Ernesto didn't have it.

Trying to get her to speak and communicate, was the first thing on my mind. Autism Spectrum Disorder was on my mind. Her future was on my mind. What time each therapist was coming was on my mind. IEP meetings were on my mind. Somehow along the way dental hygiene just took the back burner. How was I able to research Sensory Processing Disorder, buy a $200 weighted blanket, but neglect her teeth?

As a stim behavior she grinds really bad...really bad. The grinding made everything 10 times worse. We are talking to her about the surgery on Wednesday but she is not OK with losing 4 teeth or more and is having a hard time generalizing. For now we have stopped discussing and whatever will be, will be.

I know I am going to love her little toothless smile, and luckily it is her baby teeth. She is so strong and will be fine, I know she will. She has proven that to me thus far on many occasions. But I am so guilty. She is going to have to endure this because of me, because I failed her, again.

Another failure to add to the list. Another thing I could of prevented and gave up on. Another reminder things are not normal. I never thought I would be the Mom who let their kids teeth rot...I wasn't suppose to be this Mom. But, I am this MOM.