Monday, April 8, 2013

My Daughter with ASD Hits me PART 2: There's Always Light in Every Situation

We weighed out the Pros and Cons of Grace's behavior carefully. We came to the conclusion that she needed meds. We have done everything and more to get her where she needs to be. But let's face it the poor kid sleeps 3 hours a night, gets frustrated to the point of rage, and has so much trouble navigating her feelings. This was such a hard decision to come to. Honestly I am guilt stricken and feel like I failed...yet again. YEY parenting...ha ha.

The morning of the Neuro appointment happened to be April 2nd. I kept our business off the facebook fan page because I needed to gather my thoughts and the page was an escape to raise Autism awareness and do "blue like" things. How fitting the day we decide to get a prescription from the is Autism Awareness Day. It took Ernesto and me 2 hours to get her dressed and ready. She fought us every step of the way.

My Dad came with us to the appointment because Ernesto had to work. Grace was so manic and hyper and could not focus on anything. Thank God my dad came with us because 15 minutes in she lost her mind, running around and screaming. The nurse came in to get her vitals. I lifted her 45 pound fighting body onto the table. This is usually her favorite part. Not this particular day, she hit the nurse repeatedly. My chest became red with anxiety and embarrassment. While Grace ran up and down the halls with Pop Pop, I sat in the exam room and waited for the Dr.

It felt like forever, of course. I questioned myself over and over. Am I doing the right thing? If he doesn't come in 5 minutes it is not meant to be and we should just go. OK, if he doesn't come in 1 more minute we are leaving. Does she really need medicine? A minute flew by. I heard her noises echoing down the hall way. I had a whole verse planned out what I would say and ask. I looked at my phone...OK 30 more seconds and we are out of here. Yea We are out of here. Enter Neurologist, figures. 

Honestly I do not remember anything from talking to him. He saw all of my scratches, I retold the events from Sunday. It all went so fast I asked a million questions he told me a load of information, gave me a prescription, examined Grace, and it was over. We went back to the waiting room, and Grace had a meltdown. The one thing that I did remember was he said we have to improve the quality of her life. The office is also a typical pediatrician office, so of course that side of the room just stared at us.We finally get her in the car, and I start driving. SLAM a full juice box hits me in the mouth and I almost crash the car. I do not even say anything to her because she was startled by the jerking of the car and loud bang when it bottomed out. The whole way home she tried to escape out of her car seat.

My dad waited with her in the car while I ran into CVS. As I waited on the drop off line, I replayed the whole day, I stepped to the counter handed the technician Grace's prescription and closed my eyes. She was checking to see if they had it in stock. I took a deep breath let out a sigh and I whispered to myself, "It is time."


We are reaching day 7 on new medicine, 1 dose in the morning 1 at night. Grace has slept 10 hours a night since we started the meds. Are meds for every ASD child? No. But they are working for us. She is not cured of course. But she is way more happy and way more easy going. I have noticed and increase in scripting. I am attributing that to the decrease in aggression. Major decrease. I have been charting her aggression, she is only hitting us 2-3 times a day lasting less than 30 seconds, where before we were getting hit NO EXAGGERATION 10-20 (or more if there is no school) times a day lasting 5-10 minutes. 

Honestly, I feel like I am living a dream. Ernesto and Me smile at each other constantly watching her. She is so stable and focused (for her hehe) and just so calm. It didn't change her, it made her a better Grace. Her whole entire team at school reports she has made leaps and bounds in just one week. Of course it has only been a week, and I am still skeptical. Like when will this stop working? When will she need the higher dose? Is this the right thing to start so young? Every time I fill the oral syringe I second guess myself and push the lump down in my throat. I squirt it in her almond milk or her breakfast shake and stir it in. I watch her carefully as she sucks down the chemical and pray for a good day. So far so good. One day at a time right? 

The first weekend Grace on her new medicine. We went out 3 days in a row and had not 1 transition issue. This is an example of an AMAZING WEEKEND :)

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