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Thursday, May 9, 2013

Billy

Intuition. It was something I was born with. The intuition part of my brain developed at an early age. My brother Billy is severely disabled, the quickest way to explain is his development ranges from a 2-4 year old, he is also non verbal. Billy is also highly behavioral. He engages in self injurious behaviors and has a high threshold to pain. I always knew, from as long as I could remember Billy needed me. Oddly enough I never asked questions or judged Billy. I always true heartedly loved him, and just understood. Most of all I always knew he would be my responsibility one day. My parents any I never really spoke about it and they never asked me. They would never because I'm sure they flt it would be a huge burden. But to me, it's not. Taking care of my brother, my family, is not a burden. It's one of the reasons I walk this earth, I believe that. And having a daughter with Autism made that more clear to me. My intuition is what Billy gave me.

Empathy. I would say I possess something all humans need to have a touch of. Empathy. Watching my brother get so frustrated and bang his head on the wall until he bled or until the wall busted through. I learned empathy. This poor boy is so frustrated he has to hit his head on the wall to feel some sort of processing. Empathy. Watching my parents drag through their days after being up all night and still smile and laugh. Being empathetic is what Billy gave me.

Patience. Some say to me, "wow you are so patient". My patience comes from explaining to my brother a million times he can not go for a ride in the car over and over again as he would endlessly sign "bye byes in the car" over and over. Patience, when Billy would be banging his head or getting upset and I would watch my parents do everything in their power not to lose their cool and work through it with him. Now that I have Grace, I give her all that I got and always strive to be as patient as I can be with her. Patience is what Billy gave to me.

Love. Watching my brother love the little things in life like twirling a straw, the game show network, Elvis music. He whole heartedly loves people and things all discriminations set aside. After all the years and hardships my parents went through they still love each other and still hold hands. I love whole heartedly. My heart is filled with love and I'm not afraid to give it or show it. my relationships are all so fulfilling and beautiful because of the love i have for people. How to love is what Billy gave to me.

The list goes on and on. I could sit here and name everything my Angel Billy gave to me. He taught me so much and prepared me for life. Burdened? Never! If anything I owe him this, for all he has given me. It's my pleasure, it's the least I could do. My parents are reaching the age where they just can't do what thy use to. So Ernesto and I have decided its time to take the reins and start making
decisions for Billy. I'm honored.

My brother is my super hero <3


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