Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Imperfect Parents...WE DO EXIST

As parents we all love to paint a perfect picture to the public. We make sure our kids are clean, unwrinkled, well mannered, well spoken, and other unrealistic things like that. The best at soccer, the smartest in the class, an all star gymnast, VP basketball player... And as moms we must have the best baby bag, the best minivan, the biggest diamond ring, a marble island in our kitchen, and of course a very successful career husband. Am I wrong here?

One thing Autism taught me very quickly, was all that above is well...for the lack of a better is all BULL SHIT. I am going to be honest that I wanted all of that crap above, because I grew up in a society where you weren't good enough if you weren't the best, richest, fastest, prettiest blah blah blah.

Then Autism knocked on the door. 

In the beginning I still lived in that fantasy world where everything had to be perfect on the outside. Then one day Grace melted down in a CVS and threw up all over the place. It was one of the first times the world saw the imperfect side of my parenting. Another time she threw a butter knife across the restaurant. So, I realized something really quick. Perfect is not real. And a lot of imperfect stuff happens behind close doors. And you know what? It doesn't make YOU a bad parent. But you will become a better parent when you admit to yourself, you can't control it, and it's not going to be perfect. Also embrace all the imperfect stuff and allow it to be apart of your life. Honestly if your kids aren't getting into stuff and flinging poop across the room, you are doing something wrong. ;)

You are also doing something wrong...

-if you have never had crayons or markers on your walls or furniture

-if your kids has never gotten the scissors and cut their hair

-if your kids have never pooped/peed/vomited on the couch

-if your kids drew with sharpie marker all over their face

-if they never sprayed a whole can of shaving cream and baby powder all over the bathroom and their body

-if they never have choked on something or almost choked

-if you've never called poison control

-if she never got a whole tub of hair her hair

-if she never punched a peer or pushed a peer out of her way

-if he has never eaten dinner under the table

-if you have never let them watch TV or IPAD all DAY

-if he has never been inside the toilet bowl...yes inside

-if she has never hit, kicked, scratched, punched, head butted you in a room full of people

-if she still has a bottle at 4

-if he still has a pacifier at 6

-if she never has spilled a whole box of cereal on your bed

-if he never got into jars of Vaseline...peanut butter...or anything sticky like that

-if you have never brought them to the bus in snow man pajamas in JULY with hot pink nikes

-if you have never fallen asleep and woke up to your daughter on top of the fridge or inside the dryer

-if your house is never a mess

-if you have never forgotten to buckle the car seat

-if you have never sent them to school with unbrushed hair/teeth or unbathed

-if you have never let them be naked or just chill in their underwear at home

-if you have never let her wear rain boots or ear muffs in the summer

-if they have never made any type of public 'SCENE"

and my all time FAVORITE

-if they have never walked in on you having SEX and assumed you were play fighting and then proceeded to jump on you...yea true story ;)

Here are some of MY greatest parenting moments :) and remember EMBRACE the imperfections of parenting...because in the end you will be a better parent.


  1. You are so real I cannot even handle it ! love reading your blog :)

  2. Bahahaha!! *snort Hahahahaha!!! I <3 you... :D

  3. The toilet bowl picture. Yes. So much awesome.

  4. I just found you through Autism Daddy and I LOVE you!! This is so true! I think I've done almost everything on the list!! Yeah, even the whole - walk in on you sex thing - need to put a bell around their necks sometimes!

  5. This is my life! I have 3 girls, the middle 1 is on the spectrum. Thank you for making me realise I'm not alone.

  6. I have yet to call Poison Control. I have the rest covered, though!

  7. I can't stop laughing and nodding at every single thing on your list. Great post!!

  8. Snort laughed at the one of her asleep in the car seat that laying on it's side.... We've had to do that too. Once because he fell asleep and we were so desperate for sleep ourselves that we just brought him in the house still buckled in because he would wake if we tried to unbluckle him. An autism parent will resort to all kinds of "bad parenting" to get some sleep!

  9. I love this and I can relate, all of those things have happened at my house too.

  10. I love your honesty!!!! I am not a parent. But I am a very very proud auntie of a 5 year old nephew you who is all on the spectrum. I have been there and back with you. I tell my sister and brother in law that I help them "co-parent" lol I have done swim lessons, soccer, and I do ABA almost everyday with him because I want to be able to communicate and not get frustrated with him. He and I have a very special bond that give me one of many reasons not to become a mother. I don't know if I can love my own the way I love HIM. Thank you for sharing your story and all the cute pictures of your daughter... she is beautiful and seem like a load of fun!!! Continue rocking as a mom and a human !

  11. Oh My God!!! You are SOOO right!!! After this post I am for sure going to be reading your blog!! Autism Daddy shared on his FB. So freaking awesome, that's real life here too!!

  12. Oh thank you thank you thank you. You have no Idea what you have done for me today. If I could I would give you the biggest hug ever!!! :)

  13. The scary part about your post is I have a lot of those things on the list covered and neither of my kids are anywhere near the spectrum. I figure anyone that hasn't had some or all of those things happen as a parent is in the minority by far!! Keep on doing what you're doing and the heck with anyone that thinks you're a bad parent. You're a REAL parent and are just handling what happens in real life. :)

  14. I have to tell while reading this the flood gates opened up.. I have spent a lifetime beating myself up, always feeling like no matter what I did it just wasn't good enough because it wasn't perfect. 99% of parents would have deleted these pictures even though we have all experienced most if not all of what you have shared. Because of where I am in my life at this time I just wanted to let you know that your honesty has REALLY given me a sense freedom. I have tried so hard to just let go and have fun but to me having fun means a mess and that mess somehow becomes the center of my being. My 7 year old tells me to relax and that is heartbreaking, what you have shared has made me realize that we are not the only household that has a mess maker. I call mine the Tornado, and until now I always focused on the mess and not the "childhood" taking place.. Thank you for your honesty and making at least one Mommie feel free to embrace the imperfection...

  15. This is my life every day. I have 6 kids, most of whom fall somewhere on the spectrum. The upside-down chairs and stolen snacks are our trademark. :P

  16. this is literally my life. love it love it love it

  17. I keep telling you that your Boss and my kiddo would be the best of buds! Our recent thing is that she wants to fill cups of water and leave them EVERYWHERE!!!! and you can't dump them out or move them because she will know!....I figure whatever doesn't make me crazier will actually kill me so whatever...

  18. We are great parents!!! hahahahaha becasue indeed many of those have happened! lol Love your Boss Lady!!!!

  19. Thank you so much for sharing your struggles and triumphs. I have triplets on the spectrum and reading your posts has been such a comfort. You are providing some much needed touch stones for parents who can feel isolated and alone. I am copying your quotes to keep with me on my way.

  20. You are a true gift and blessing to everyone whose life you touch, whether in person, or through your heartfelt, honest and loving words, written and spoken.

  21. Wishing you and your baby girl all the love, peace, happiness and blessings you deserve. :-)