It's summer! We have been doing all types of fun things before school starts up again for the summer. Today we went to a birthday party at a local amusement park. Grace blends in with all of the children. Which is sometimes hard, because when a behavior arises no one knows how to take it. Why is this girl repeating her self over and over again or why can't she comprehend a simple social cue? Why did she just punch her mom?
She ran on the fun house ride which involves a lot of motor planning. At first there were no lines so she could take her time maneuvering and doing all the climbing and such. As she came off she went back on again and again. At this point the fun house was getting a little more crowded so each part had extra waiting times. And it started. As she waited behind people she would script. She would pace backwards. The climbing she would get trampled or pushed back and have to restart again and again. In line for the slide part 4 kids passed before she realized she was in line. She came running off the slide and asked to go again. I said "of course!", inside I was screaming NO.
There was now a huge line formed to get in. I saw her get on line, walk off, get back on line, walk in a circle around the line. She then ran to me and grabbed my hand and pulled me to the line. If you knew Grace you would know she is extremely verbal, but moments like this she has no words. I went on line with her and assumed I could walk away. When she was solo she seemed so lost and so confused. Finally she got in!! And again she went slowly but surely, climbing as the other kids lapped her. She got to the bridge and paced back and forth and to the slide, after 8 or so children passed her she finally went down the slide.
It's hard to watch. It's like someone squeezes my heart and sets it down in my stomach. I get so emotional because my mind races to the future when I won't be there to bring her on the line. Of course as my mind is racing with all this fear and trepidation I see this beautiful girl smiling bright as her little butt scoots down the slide.
This is all she knows. She doesn't know any different way to do things. She may stand out to others. But for her, she's just being herself. And as she gets lapped in the fun house she never bats an eye. And when she's climbing and gets pushed down, she keeps climbing. All of this with such determination. She never gives up and she never complains. And when she's ready she will go down that damn slide. If she needs to pace or script so be it.
It's not about me...and what I see. It's about her. It's about her confidence and her never ending hard
work. Her determination to do things is admirable. Her personality not caring what others think or do is admirable.
When her feet hit the ground after the slide, my pained squeezed heart swelled. The hurt and sadness broke off and it filled with pride. I am so proud of my daughter. She teaches me something everyday that is if I listen close enough.