Friday, January 11, 2013

simply TRUST

(verb) believe - confide - rely - credit - hope - entrust
It's just a word to many people. But to me this word goes further and deeper. Since Boss Lady was 15 months old I had to learn quickly to trust complete strangers. Day after day they would enter my house and sometimes work with my daughter behind a closed door while I pretended to Windex and dust, but would eaves dropped at every chance I got.
The Boss Lady is extremely verbal, maybe too much. The scary part to this is, when she is in pain or in distress she does not express herself appropriately. I have seen this first hand. We went to the McDonalds Play Place and I watched 5 year old girls push her out of the way and she did nothing. My jaw dropped to the floor a long with my heart. The Boss punches me if I do not list the Ninja Turtles characters in correct order according to their color head bands. Why didn't she stand up for herself?
When the Boss Lady is ill, I have no knowledge until there is site of a fever or I just have a gut feeling. She is the kid bouncing off the walls singing and playing who goes to the doctor and has strep and a double ear infection. Why didn't she tell me her ears or her throat hurt? It blows my mind how she is so verbal but when it comes to emotions there is a block.
With this significant delay, as a parent and many parents like me I have to rely on so many people. From the moment she leaves the front door, I have to put my faith in people I barely know. Her first steps on the bus each morning as I hand her to the matron and say good morning to Mr Sal (her bus driver), the bus pulls away and she is with them for an hour until she arrives at school. She then arrives at school and a staff member, (could be a different person each day) brings her and another child to their classroom. Her day is filled with private therapy sessions with therapists and classroom activities with her teacher and the assistants, gym, soft gym. Then she is walked to the bus at the closing of her day with another bus driver and matron for an hour bus ride home. She has been doing this since she was 3.
These amazing people make sure my Boss Lady is safe everyday. When you sit down and really think about it, it is kind of challenging to wrap your head around. It hurts and terrifies me that she can't tell me if something bad has happened to her. I have learned it is better not to sit down and really think about it because you will drive yourself crazy. You need to hold on tight, deep breaths, let go, and simply TRUST.

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